| Long sotry short |
[24 Sep 2008|02:02pm] |
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My, oh my, great apple pie!!
It's been a long time, and I have to admit that my last post was a pretty bad update. I'm not proud of it, but well, I am half a couple, and couples argue over nothing. Anyhow, that's not why I am here.
I mean, I have everything, and nothing to report. Let's make it simple and divide it into two groups: things that are the same, and things that are not.
( Busted! )
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| Jesus Motherfucking Christ! |
[24 Apr 2008|09:24pm] |
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I swear to God. Is this what I have to look forward to?
I've been dating Sam, only on, never off, since October 27, 2006.
When we first began dating, I had an early ass curfew: 930 PM on weekdays, and 11 PM on weekends. What we did until I had to go home was basically smoke copious amounts of weed, and have sex. We would watch movies. Go to Great America. Go to the Beach during the day. Basically, we did things that were usually, aside from weed, and sex, family appropriate. We did these things until I had to be home, and the second I got home, Sam would usually take off with one of his neanderthal friends and party. They would drive around, smoke weed, hit a party, drink, and do party things.
I should first and foremost mention: I LIKE PARTYING!
I like beer pong, I like smoke bowl after bowl, and I like dancing. I like swimming when drunk, playing ddr and guitar hero when drunk, I like listening to music and having conversation when drunk, I like smoking cigarettes when drunk, I like eating food when drunk, I like beer runs when drunk. I like being drunk, and intoxicated. I like being high. Basically, in all terms alike, no matter how you say it: I like to party, goddamnit.
So, why doesn't Sam include me? Is there a side of him that he doesn't want me to see? Does he not like being tied to me at a party? Does he think I don't like these things? What is it? Does he hit on girls? Does he fool around with girls? Does he hit on guys? Does he fool around with guys? What the fuck could it be? Why doesn't he include me?
Jesus Christ, I don't care what he does, but it fucking irritates me that he doesn't include me when I have told him eight thousand times, "Baby, please include me?" He also agrees, and apolo-fucking-gizes. It's not even like he doesn't want me partying, we don't have that kind of controlling relationship, but there's no one who fucking parties in this town. I didn't know them long enough to party, and even when I did, I had to be home by 930, or 11. Who's going to party with that shit?
For instance!
I go to Oakley, not too long ago, and lo and behold, the very night I leave, he goes and gets shitfaced at our friends' good bye party. I mean, I probably would have gone to that shit, but I don't think he would have done the things he did if I was there. It's like he feels ashamed of it, and doesn't want me to see. He partied, and drank, and smoke a shitload when I was gone that weekend, and I was fucking miserable in Oakley, because of the sheer shock that he didn't include a-fucking-gain. I mean really. For god's sake, why does he think I want to do only family appropriate things? I like doing those things, sure, they're fun, but all I want to do is have the type of fun that I have been waiting to do forever, because I didn't get to fucking party in high school. I was too busy being fucking hospitalized.
I've told him too, I swear to god, and every time he tells me he'll try harder. I don't think he's listening. He hears, but he's not listening. I knew this would fucking happen. I fucking knew it. I was hospitalized last year in February, and then again in March, two days a-fucking-part, and he was there. He was so sweet, and gentle, and perfect in the entire situation when I was fucking helpless, like a baby deer. A right little ol' Bambi, and he saw the whole goddamn train wreck. Now, I can't even say my stomach hurts, or is bothering me a little, without him going, "OMGWTFBBQ!?! CROHN'S?!? DAMNIT!"
I'm so sick of being treated fragile, I swear to god. Oh, I am so sick of it. And I'm not taking it anymore. I have never even hung up on Sam, for Christ's Sake. Never hung up on him, never really yelled. I've never refused to speak to him, or get really pissed off when he does stupid ass motherfuckign shit. And he's done some stupid ass motherfucking shit. Like when he went to a strip club, lied about it, told me I should go sometime to see the poor men shaking, and then fucking insists he wasn't looking at the naked ass chicks, but at the men shaking because they can't touch the girls. Like I can believe that fucking shit.
I just want to get stupid!!! Is that so much to ask? Why does everyone end up treating me like an infant!
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| It's been a long time, now I'm coming back home. |
[14 Feb 2008|10:01am] |
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I've written up two different ways to begin this, and I can't recall a time when writing in Livejournal has been more awkward. The last time I wrote, I was talking about Sam, which coincidently, won't change much. We're still dating, and haven't done any on-agains, off-agains. It'll be two years in October, which is bizarre because time has flown by so fast. I wonder where it's gone, or what I have accomplished in that time. I haven't traveled, I'm not ging a hundred percent in school, I dealt with a deadbeat job for almost a year. Yet, it still went by, and while it doesn't necessarily scare me, it does make me think.
Let's see. I worked at Wetzel's Pretzels in Oakride mall from April of '07, until January or '08. I was a shift manager, and poured more sweat into that company that I got out of it. Not that I want their dirty pretzel sweat. Just a warning to all of you mall-food eaters. It's nasty. They have roaches, I promise you, and they rarely make new food. I'm not lying, I gurantee this. If you insist on eating there, eat it in the morning, because then it will at least be fresh. No joke, everyone.
Anyhow, I lost my job because I made $9.25 an hour, and was the least experienced shift manager, while I would have been the most paid cashier. I was also the best god damn worker there, and actually cleaned properly. I bet that place is buttery as hell since I left.
I graduated high school, and entered San Jose State University. I would have gone to Northridge, or Long Beach, but low and behold, I had a Crohn's flare up, and was in the hospital not once but twice in February/March of '07. It was a bizarre experience for me, because Sam was there for the entire time. Every other hospital experience, I didn't have friends who visited me. I wanted them to forget me, and not visit. I wanted to disappear, because I was in such a miserable state. I didn't do that this last night, because I needed Sam. He would stay overnight, until one night, at four in thr morning, I was having severe stomach pains that was commonly referred to as "similar to labor." A nurse came in with a nice shot of morphine, and she saw Sam. She asked if he was my brother. I said no. She screamed, and I mean screamed, at us about how no boyfriends were allowed.
It hadn't occured to me that Sam was my boyfriend, I just considered him someone I needed to help get me through this. What did they think, that we would go at in because of all the romance that every hospital reeks of? (Note, sarcasm.) Oh how teh iodine and alcohol wipes make me crazy, and dim the lights, move the bed, I mean come on. So, anyhow, Sam went home, and got locked into his bathroom, where he broke down, and had to have his mom call a locksmith at five in the morning, so he could go back to bed, and get up at seven to go to school.
Anyways, I got out of the hospital the first time with a double dose of remicaid in my blood, and wanted to be alone with Sam. Obviously, we took the first oppurtunity to, you know, and afterwards we smoked pot. (Which I still do, by the way.) Which would induce munchies, and cause another flare up. Stupid me, I know.
Went back to the hospital the next day via ambulance, and spent anotehr week or so there, and finally left. Haven't gone back since except to finish my remicaid treatment, which I just finished a week ago.
So, a lot has happened, even excluding the hospital experience, which I didn't even really go into. What's important is that today, I feel very much in love, and it has nothing to do with it being Valentine's day. I just had a nice night last night, and today I feel good.
Have a good day, whoever might read this, and know that I'm thinking about you guys.
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[07 Sep 2006|04:25pm] |
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I hate that I have an issue so common amongst girls my age.
I have Daddy issues.
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[06 Aug 2006|10:41pm] |
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Instructions:
1. List 1-30 things that you want to say to people
2. Don`t say who they are.
3. Make it in a totally random order. (ie.) Don't write to your best friend first
Your friends can take a guess if they think they know which number they are. It's up to you to tell them if they're right, but try not to discuss what you wrote. It's just better that way. If they're right, say yes. If they're wrong, say no.
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[04 May 2006|01:30pm] |
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I'm going to have a big update soon.
I swear.
With pictures and everything.
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[23 Feb 2006|06:51pm] |
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I don't know if I like the new El Jay 'rich text' whe
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[16 Dec 2005|12:10pm] |
HEAR YE! HEAR YE!
People with free ElJay accounts hear all!
For now we don't have to have only three user pictures, oh no.
ElJay has granted us SIX user icons.
In other words, YES!
That is all.
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[01 Sep 2005|01:17pm] |
Ok so if anyone could be so kind to post in m_e, to tell them I'm back from hiatus.
I could have sworn I posted my return, but it's not there.
I have been voting and everything as well.
Uh oh...!
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[29 Jul 2005|05:21pm] |
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hey jude |
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I have to go on a hiatus tonight.
Until who knows when.
When I get my internet is back I suppose.
I'll update you all tonight.
(:
Mucho love.
MUCHO LOVE TO JESS FOR RE-DOING MY JOURNALLLL!!! And fixing the mess... :D:D
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